There's a man on TV who lost both his legs in Vietnam, and suddenly none of my problems seem to hold much weight. I know troubles are relative, but it's still hard to complain about being confused in a new relationship when there are people out there who used to, but now no longer, have legs. So I won't complain. I'll just say some stuff.
As many of you have probably discovered, most of you a long time before I did, when you're in a serious relationship with someone, it's expected that you cut ties with those with whom you've previously been involved. I don't think I honestly believed I could hold onto a friendship with a past love, but for some reason I'm having a really hard time letting go of it. Eight years is a long time to invest in a man, only to say goodbye to him for good.
I guess the part that feels the worst for me is the not knowing what tomorrow holds for this new relationship. I'm letting go of so much of my past so that I can develop my present into a future...and I don't have any guarantees that my investment will pay off. But that's the big risk we take in life, isn't it? We don't get to know what will happen; we just have to do the best we can with the information at hand and hope for the best. What I do know is that I am with a man who loves me, and I love him more than I thought possible. He wants to take care of me and he appreciates what I do for him. That's pretty amazing.
I've spent a lot of time today thinking about the what-ifs...what if this doesn't last...what if he gets tired of me and the expectations of my love...what if he dies...and for now, I've come to the conclusion that the small certainties I have make all the unknown, well, something I can handle. At least that's how I feel tonight. :)
That's all for now...
